i dont sleep at night anymore, i just stay up in my single bed, listen to my sister breathe and count the seconds between the end and now. this babyface is in shambles. walking around like i dont have my jaw ripped from my skull, like i dont have every single fucking minute of my life without you beating me in the face with each step. i swing between irrationally angry and being so sad i just want to tear my eyelashes out, cut my hair against my skull like my literary hero. i want to paint up my face and go out to catch you all like flies against my body, i want to feel the crush of someone loving me because right now im so empty and terrified that i dont even show up in a mirror anymore.